S.L., a longtime devoted reader of Etanu, wrote back and asked for a re-posting of his favorite article....one I wrote more than 3 years ago (before the etanu website went up!).
Domestic violence remains a troubling issue today. Since this message was originally written on March 13, 2009 approximately 11 million new incidents of domestic violence have taken place in the United States. This is based on the statistic that a woman is beaten or assaulted in the US once every 9 seconds. If that statistic does not make you ill, I don't know what will.
As for Chris Brown and Rihanna...there's mad speculation that they are/were back together (again). That raises interesting questions about the forgiveness piece mentioned below. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this important, pressing, and relevant issue for our time.
* * *
Have you been following the maddening/saddening (is that a word?) celebrity news out of Hollywood that has chronicled the incident of domestic violence committed by Chris Brown against Rihanna? (Check out the blurb in People Magazine.)
Although all domestic abuse is a terrible tragedy, the
one good thing that comes out of cases involving celebrities is that at least
it gives us an opportunity to be reminded that this is still a major problem
facing our society.
The interesting thing about the Rihanna case is that,
soon after being beaten, she decided to (forgive??) or at least take Chris
back. It is now widely reported that
they have reconciled and are back together, even as his criminal case is making
its way through the Los Angeles court system.
Are there certain things in a relationship that are
unforgivable? And if so, is domestic
abuse one of them? Oprah, a victim of
domestic violence herself, seems to think so.
She has publicly admonished Rihanna for getting back together with
Brown, warning her that he will hit her again.
I share all of this for two reasons.
First, and most importantly, this really IS a good excuse
to take a moment to reflect on the dangers of domestic violence (the video here is very helpful in this respect). And,
we can take this opportunity to remind everyone that there are amazing
resources in our communities to help people who are being victimized (or think
they might be victimized) by domestic violence.
We have the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474. And we have the National Domestic Violence
Hotline at 800-799-SAFE. Much closer to
home, we have PROJECT SARAH, the San Diego Jewish community’s response to
domestic violence. Find them here or call 858-637-3200. Or call me
instead. Please reach out to someone if
you need help.
Secondly, I mention all of this because I think that the
central question that Rihanna’s plight raises – about whether or not there are
things in a relationship that are forgivable – is a very Jewish kind of a
question.
Although this week’s [March 2009] Torah portion (Parshat Ki Tisa)
makes no mention of domestic violence, it is very much interested in the
question of forgiveness.
This week’s parsha includes the story of the Golden Calf
– the ultimate act of spiritual assault that our ancient Israelite ancestors
committed against their partner: God. In
worshipping the idol, they violate the sense of respect and sanctity that
exists between them and God so profoundly that I have always read it as an act
of violence.
And yet, even before this week’s parsha is over, Moses is
able to convince God not to destroy the Israelites who have realized the error
of their ways.
I’m always a little bit surprised that Moses was able to
pull that off. How was he able to
convince God to forgive those Israelites who so brazenly disrespected God?
For some commentators, they use this as a chance to write
about humanity’s imperfections. We’re
always going to fall short, in the eyes of God.
Part of God’s essential self is the attribute of mercy, because God knows
that if God wants to be in an ongoing relationship with us, God will have to
find a way to forgive us every time we inevitably mess up.
And that is true, to a certain extent, in the
relationships we share with other people as well. The only way that any relationship works is
if both people constantly find it within themselves to forgive each other.
But that brings us back to our original question. Are there limits? Are there certain things in romantic
relationship that are unforgivable? Are
there certain things that – if we do them – they should automatically lead to
the end of the relationship? Is domestic violence one of those things?
I’m not sure what the answers are to those
questions. But I would love to hear what
you have to say about it.
With prayers for the end of all violence in the world…
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Jeff Brown
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment